| Num | Jim Jordan | Steve Scalise | Donald Trump |
|---|---|---|---|
| 10.) | Alliterative name | Alliterative name | Cartoonish name |
| 9.) | Hails from Ohio | Hails from Louisiana | Hails from Mordor |
| 8.) | Won six NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls (whoops, that's Michael Jordan) | This item left intentionally blank | Miraculously won golf tournament at Trump-owned course even though he missed the entire first round |
| 7.) | Privy to plans for January 6 | Referred to the January 6 attack as terrorism | Claimed his supporters were hugging and kissing the cops |
| 6.) | Evangelical Christian | Roman Catholic | Inverted Bible Christian |
| 5.) | Claims Trump did everything the DOJ asked him to do prior to the Mar-a-Lago raid | Criticized the DOJ for giving deferential treatment to Biden and his mishandling of classified material | Believes the Presidential Records Act empowers him to run with scissors |
| 4.) | Thumbed nose at subpoena from January 6 Committee | Thumbed nose at overdone lasagna | Threw lunch plate at the wall |
| 3.) | A firebrand | A shrewd politician | A train wreck |
| 2.) | Two-time NCAA Division I Wrestling Champion | Three French hens | Four-time DOJ Indictment Champion |
| 1.) | Anti-establishment candidate | Establishment candidate | Hannibal Lecter's favorite candidate |
Posted October 11, 2023
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