Top Ten Highlights of the August 23, 2023 Republican Debate (Satirical)

Vivek Ramaswamy referred to the moderator as "Sam I Am," and asserted defiantly "I don't like green eggs and ham"
Doug Burghum confessed that he is a direct descendant of Fonzie's eyebrows
If elected, Tim Scott vowed to fire Merrick Garland, George Soros, and Hunter Biden
Mike Pence constitution pro-life faith constitution school-choice constitution constitution constitution
Chris Christie admitted laughingly that his extensive debate prep didn't contemplate a question on UFOs—oh wait, that really happened!
Nikki Haley criticized an infamous thug who invades America-friendly countries, but then she agreed that she will support possible nominee Trump if he's convicted
Ron DeSantis shared his vision that "our country is in decline" but thankfully didn't use the word "woke"
Asa Hutchinson was escorted off the debate stage after refusing to pledge to support possible nominee Trump if convicted; alas, no one noticed he was gone
Vivek Ramaswamy vowed not to vote in the 2024 election if anyone other than Trump is the nominee
If elected, many of the candidates said they planned to eliminate the Department of Education (DOE) and give the DOE's budget to Donald Trump, along with 20 Trump NFTs and their souls

Posted August 27, 2023

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Commentary

In this funny top ten list we spoof the performance of the eight candidates who qualified for the August 23, 2023 Republican Party debate for candidates for the 2024 U.S. presidential election. While we did watch the event, these made-up items are jokes that are only loosely based on the content of the debate.

Republican frontrunner Donald Trump didn't participate in the debate, but Trump fanboy Vivek Ramaswamy made a splash by vowing to pardon Trump and by officially designating Trump as the greatest president of the 21st century. Our reference to Dr. Seuss in item 10 was motivated by sheer wackiness, while item 2 is a joke on the fact that Ramaswamy hasn't always voted in past presidential elections.

The remaining items are a smattering of satirical items about each of the candidates, culminating with item 1 and its wonderment over the Republican Party's continued adulation of this 6'3" 215-pound quadruple-indicted crooked dude.

Ugh.