Top Ten Fancy Words that Judge Aileen Cannon May Use

Top Ten Fancy Words that Judge Aileen Cannon May Use—Part 1

conclusory
pursuant
sesquipedalian
countervailing
disfavored
maggalicious
prezzawoohoo
what he said!
trumpfle-upagus
fan-girl-a-woosy

Posted August 11, 2023

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Commentary

We came across the word "conclusory" in U.S. Judge Aileen Cannon's August 7 ruling that struck down two sealed motions filed by special counsel Jack Smith's team with regard to the Mar-a-Lago documents case. Being unfamiliar with the term, we looked up conclusory, and then it dawned on us that she'd determined that the special counsel had made statements that "asserted as a conclusion without supporting facts." Ooo, burn!

Admittedly, as operators of a website focused on humor, we have no legal training or experience, but our understanding is that grand jury proceedings must remain secret, so additional explanations of the special counsel's basis to justify sealing the motions besides "to comport with grand jury secrecy" aren't needed.

Does Judge Cannon really think Jack Smith is sloppy enough to make motions without adequate support? Is she immune from being removed from the case? Does she value her Trump NFT collection over respect for her judicial decisions? Ha!

While it's clear to us that Judge Cannon is intelligent enough to get a law degree, pass the bar exam, and use big words that we've never heard before, she seems more interested in the juvenile pursuit of "fighting for Trump" than in the pursuit of well-considered rulings. So...we decided to use the word "conclusory" as a springboard to other academic-sounding words that might appear in the judge's rulings, and then to shift the focus to her apparent inclination to favor Trump in her rulings.

And so we begin this funny top ten list with five fancy dancy words that could appear in a legal ruling, and then morph into five whimsical words that make Judge Cannon seem like a total Trump fan-girl—because that's exactly what she is!

This is an image of a fake judicial ruling intended to make fun of U.S. Judge Aileen Cannon. No Bud Light cans were harmed in the making of the image.