Top Ten Satirical Reasons Trump Didn't Get Arrested on Tuesday
- He faked out the news media with the preannouncement so he could then say, "Made you look"
- The green M&M intervened on his behalf
- Fed chairman Jerome Powell requested a delay so that the arrest didn't occur during the Fed's interest rate meeting
- Gisele Bündchen refused to approve it
- The arresting officers got entangled in a seaweed wave
- Trump got teleported to a strange parallel universe where his fingers were foot-long hot dogs; he fully expects to receive an Oscar next year
- Don Jr., Maria Bartiromo, Rudy Giuliani, and Josh Hawley formed an impenetrable offensive line to protect their favorite quarterback
- The police cars were blocked by stacks of classified boxes in the middle of Fifth Avenue
- Producers of The Apprentice were not available to choreograph the perp walk
- The New York DA relented when Trump successfully solved Tuesday's Wordle
Posted March 22, 2023
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