Top Ten Causes of the August 14, 2019 Market Meltdown

A disgruntled employee entered the Hong Kong airport with a potato gun
Some mischievous high school kids released a bag of crickets at the NYSE
Ronald Acuna Jr. tripped over several tariffs while attempting to steal second base
11,000 lies was just one too many
Traders lost their footing due to a river of tears caused by Democratic presidential candidates upset over ICE treatment of kids
Worries that the inverted yeast curve could lead to a potential racism
Gilligan accidentally spilled cherry Kool Aid on the warp drives
Leaked design of proposed new statue shows Lady Liberty giving immigrants the finger; more Democrats weep openly
Guards fell asleep and subsequently falsified several trades; they now live in fear that Attorney General Barr will sit on them
Fake news—the market was actually up 800, and Mexico is paying for it

Posted October 17, 2022; Written August 14, 2019