Top Ten Imaginary Snafus Associated with the 2020 U.S. Presidential Election
- A truckload of Trump ballots was dumped in the Nemo Grande
- Republicans were given defective sharpies (filled with blue whale sperm) to mark their ballots
- Several mixed-breed dogs in Georgia voted illegally (which was quite unfortunate, since Governor Brian Kemp's labradoodle is a closet socialist, and voted 17,000 times)
- Nurse Ratched didn't allow the Republican observers in Philadelphia to watch the World Series
- A bag of Trump ballots was set on fire at the border of Myopia and Neverland
- Trump supporters in Seattle were told to enter the precinct through the side door—but there was no side door. By the time the Trump supporters returned to the front door, the poll workers rather unceremoniously mooned them from behind the locked front door. In an attempt to gather evidence for the likely court case, the Trump supporters then reportedly tried to take smartphone video of the offending bare butts but were a moment too late, as the poll workers had very quickly pulled their pants back up, unlocked the front door, and returned to duty. No—this really happened!
- Lucy van Pelt said she'd let the Trump supporters vote after they kicked the football, but then she pulled it back at the last instant
- Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer provided Republicans with directions to the election precinct, but the directions actually led to an empty cornfield
- Poll workers pretended they were handing the Trump supporters their ballots, but then said "psyche!" and pulled the ballots back when the Trump supporters reached out
- Republicans requested absentee ballots but were sent monkey turds instead
Posted October 17, 2022; Written November 9, 2020
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