Top Ten Satirical Reasons Elon Musk's Buyout of Twitter May Not Go Through
- He's shockedshocked!to discover that there are spam bots on Twitter
- Pushback from SEC investigator who objected to being referred to as the Securities Excrement Commissioner
- He filled out the 13-D form in crayon
- The Twitter board didn't realize that the bid was for $44B of Muskcoin
- He's busy on a space mission with Ben Affleck, Diana Ross, and other wonderful people
- He just wants to exercise his first amendment right to free weed...er, speech
- During negotiations with the SEC, he told them they belong in the circusright next to the dog-faced boy
- According to Dan Brown, the Tesla trunk logo is an upside down middle finger, which may be the key reason for the recent Tesla stock drop
- Absolutely favors free speech as long as it's not about him
- Was never really serious about wanting to own Twitterviewed the M&A process as a fun way to make news, jerk people around, and waste one of his many extra $ billions
Posted October 17, 2022; Written May 19, 2022
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