Top Ten University of Georgia Football Players of All Time (Satirical)

Francis Asbury Tarkenton
Garrison Hearst
Louis Winthorp III
Larsington Tate
Champlain Bailey
Knox Culpepper / Wilfred Frost / Randolph Duke (tie)
Herschton Walker
Tucker Carlson
Thurston Howell III
Stetson Bennett IV

Posted October 17, 2022; Written January 14, 2022

Commentary

First off: this is a website devoted to humor, not sports rankings. So this top ten list isn't a real ranking of the top University of Georgia football players of all time. This satirical list is meant to be humorous, and the rankings are nonscientific and nonserious.

The gist of the idea behind the content is that "Stetson Bennett IV" sounds rather like Thurston Howell III, a fictional (and exceedingly rich) castaway on the 1960s television series "Gilligan's Island." So while we know that walk-on UGA quarterback Stetson Bennett IV helped lead UGA to the 2021 National Championship, we think his name sounds more like someone who just bought a yacht.

So, extrapolating here...why not think of other Georgia football players and give them hoity toity names? It'll be fun! And since rigor isn't our forte, we'll pick names of people who probably don't even belong in the top ten UGA football players of all time. We'll also mix in a few names that have nothing to do with UGA or its football team. Why? Because that's how we roll here at klugness.com.

Hmm, where were we? Ah, yes—we didn't need to do anything with Francis Asbury Tarkenton (aka Fran Tarkenton, item 10), the UGA quarterback who went on to pro football fame with the Minnesota Vikings—that's because his full name already sounds kinda hoity toity. Same with Garrison Hearst (item 9) and Knox Culpepper (item 5). We took creative license with other names, transforming Lars Tate into Larsington Tate (item 7), Champ Bailey into Champlain Bailey (item 6), and Herschel Walker into Herschton Walker (item 4).

Other names have nothing to do with UGA. Louis Winthorp III (item 8) and Randolph Duke (item 5) are rich, snobby fictional characters from the 1983 movie "Trading Places." Wilfred Frost (item 5) is a commentator for CNBC, and Tucker Carlson (item 3) is a nighttime commentator for Fox News. (No, the rumor that he was a star cornerback at UGA is unfounded. We're not even sure who started it.)

Note this website and its content is not associated with the University of Georgia or your mama.