Top Ten Causes of the August 14, 2019 Market Meltdown
- A disgruntled farmer entered the Hong Kong business district with a potato gun
- Some mischievous high school kids released a bag of crickets at the NYSE
- Ronald Acuña Jr. tripped over several tariffs while attempting to steal second base
- 11,000 lies was just one too many
- Traders lost their footing due to a river of tears caused by Democratic presidential candidates upset over ICE treatment of kids
- Worries that the inverted yeast curve could lead to a potential racism
- Gilligan accidentally spilled cherry Kool Aid on the warp drives
- Leaked design of proposed new statue shows Lady Liberty giving immigrants the finger; more Democrats weep openly
- Guards fell asleep and subsequently falsified several trades; they now live in fear that Attorney General Barr will sit on them
- Fake news—the market was actually up 800, and Mexico is paying for it
Posted October 17, 2022; Written August 14, 2019
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