Top Ten Trump 2025 New Year's Resolutions

Take buddy trip to South Africa with the Muskinator
Fewer town halls, more YMCA
Take over Greenland
Give Ukraine to Putin in exchange for 10 pink and 12 red Starburst fruit chews
Wipe butt with copy of Obama's birth certificate
As confirmation of his vengeful mood, release new Trump NFT with Rendel theme
Send the My Pillow Guy on a mission to Springfield, Ohio to "catch Haitian immigrants in the act"
Change the name of Alaska's (and North America's) highest peak from Denali back to Mt. McKinley; then, send a message to Obama in a Truth Social post which contains an emoji of a raised middle finger
Buy body lotion to make skin less crêpey; then, call "Honey Bunch" to give her the wonderful news
Pee in Crater Lake

Posted January 1, 2025

Commentary

It's that time of year when people make new year's resolutions, and we thought it would be fun to make up several fake new year's resolutions of U.S. President Elect Donald Trump. Well...we label them as fake even though we're pretty sure Trump really does want to take over Greenland (item 8). Perhaps satirical is a better word?

Item 7 is a spoof on our belief that Trump will likely attempt to end the war in Ukraine under terms that are unfavorable to Ukraine. We included a wacky reference to pink and red Starbursts since we understand those Starburst colors are Trump's favorites.

Two of the items include Obama references (items 6 and 3) because Trump seems to be focused once again on undoing anything Obama ever did. Trump previously failed in his attempt to dismantle Obamacare, but is now focused on changing the name of Alaska's Denali back to Mt. McKinley. (Hmm, if Obama announced that he likes vanilla ice cream, would Trump stop eating it? Ha!) For old time's sake, we also threw in a reference to the Obama birther controversy that Trump stirred up prior to his first presidential run.

Item 2 is a riff on the fact that a 27-year-old woman may be taken aback by how crêpey the skin of a 60-year-old man may be. We're particularly happy with item 1 since it encapsulates the concept of a crass New Yorker who doesn't know how to act (e.g., walks in front of the Queen, pushes aside the Prime Minister of Montenegro in order to be at the front of the photo op). As a rich guy and a president, Trump presumably wouldn't be crass enough to despoil one of the most pristine bodies of water on the planet—or would he? Ha!

This image of "a person standing at a fork in the road with signs pointing to 'Greenland' and 'Springfield, OH' " was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.