Top Ten Satirical Tiger King OR Coronavirus Questions
- I lost my forearm after I was mauled by a tiger. Can I return to work if I maintain a 6 foot distance from the tigers?
- Were the results of the IHME coronavirus projection model adjusted when Joe Exotic's storage building containing documentary film footage mysteriously burned to the ground while he was out of town? (Seeing as, several coronavirus droplets may have lost their lives in the blaze, along with the alligators, and it seems appropriate that the Rt assumption in the model would need to be adjusted for this. Thanks.)
- One of the doctors on my staff is running his mouth too much, and doesn't seem to realize I'm in charge. Can I "throw him to the lions?" (Note that I plan to maintain "social distancing" by having my chief of staff do it.)
- Are violent narcissistic gay redneck tiger fanatics more susceptible to coronavirus than regular folk?
- According to presidential task force guidelines, is a loaded revolver an approved form of Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)?
- Can I do the entire interview for this documentary while sitting in a lawn chair surrounded by trash?
- I'm young and female, and have been offered a job that requires 14 hour work days. In return for the long work hours, I'd be eligible to join the zoo leader's harem. Should I take the job?
- Is it legal to serve the zoo's deli customers expired grocery meat products? (Feels like that's unfair to the tigers.)
- My husband (who was thinking of leaving me) has disappeared from the tiger compound without a trace. Please—do you know what could have happened to him? Gosh, I hope coronavirus didn't get him!
- Excuse me, does this hotel allow pets?
Posted October 17, 2022; Written April 13, 2020
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