Top Ten Samuel Alito Excuses

Thought it was right-side up
My wife hoisted the flag. I don't even like flags
Even so, Martha only did it in response to a subsequent dispute with a foul-mouthed neighbor
Relied on the advice of counsel—oh shoot, that's me
When confronted, Justice Alito kept doing a dance and saying "you can't touch this"
Was distracted by the cucumber recall
Made a bona fide effort to take the flag down but Chennedy Carter knocked me down before I could do it
Notwithstanding the foregoing, I don't take responsibility at all
The flag was placed there by antifa while we slept
I'm on the Supreme Court and I can do anything I want

Posted June 7, 2024

Commentary

This funny top ten list is a spoof of the recent news that an upside-down flag was flown at Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito's house in January 2021 (after the 2020 election and before Biden's inauguration). An upside-down flag is a sign of support for the stop-the-steal movement.

Justice Alito claimed that his wife was responsible for displaying the flag (item 9), and that she'd done it in response to a dispute with a neighbor over an anti-Trump yard sign and the neighbor's offensive use of the "c word" to Alito's wife (item 8). Several of the items are totally made up (items 10, 7, 6, 3, 2, and 1). Item 6 is a joke reference to an MC Hammer song from 1990, and items 5 and 4 are joke references to current events.

Interestingly, recent news reports contend that the dispute with the neighbor occurred during February—after the upside-down flag was displayed in January—hence our use of the word "subsequent" in item 8. (When a joke is this hard to explain, it shouldn't be made—nicht wahr?)