Top Ten Signs That the Duffer Brothers Are Taking Too Long to Produce Stranger Things Season 5

Eddie Munson gets arthritis and is no longer able to jam to Metallica's "Master of Puppets"
Eleven has a nervous breakdown when she suddenly realizes that "Papa" is not her father
Steve Harrington goes bald
Duffer Brothers envision Season 5 to feature an invasion of Hawkins by all the monsters from past seasons, but are stymied when the Shadow Monster is wooed away to arbitrate a dispute between Aaron Rodgers and Jimmy Kimmel
Max has six redheaded children who star in a Harry Potter spinoff
Eleven turns 40
Vecna is written out of the show after being named as the new spokesman for Clearasil
Demodogs make a reappearance, but are sidelined by bad hip joints
Dustin notices his heart monitor misbehaving and realizes there must be a nearby gate to the Upside Down
Filming halted due to a severe Eggo waffle shortage

Posted January 11, 2024

Commentary

Earlier this week the news came out that Stranger Things had begun filming the strike-delayed Season 5. This basically ensures that Season 5 will definitely probably maybe be released sometime in the future.

Sorry for our cynicism, but we've become accustomed to not having our expectations met, as our November 19, 2022 satirical prediction that Season 5 would be released on February 1, 2024 is clearly not going to happen. Here's a link to that November 2022 whimsical, nerdy blog post about projected release dates for Stranger Things Season 5.

It's already been about a year and a half since the final episodes of Season 4 dropped on July 1, 2022, and the Stranger Things team still needs to do filming and whatever other effects and post-production the Duffer Brothers want to implement in their capacity as genius artists. Allowing for the extra time being a genius artist requires, we can perhaps safely bracket the release date for Season 5 as maybe possibly being sometime between now and January 1, 2027.

Most of the jokes in this whimsical top ten list about signs that the Duffer Brothers are taking too long to produce Season 5 relate to the aging of the actors, especially the teens.

This image of "heart monitor" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.