Top Ten Satirical Predictions for 2024

Lil Nas X changes his name to Lil Nas Twitter
Alabama invades Georgia without warning and confiscates all the peanuts
Rudy Giuliani stars in a new documentary called "Drunk Man Who Lost His Way"
Elon Musk marries Lady Gaga, and the zany couple names their love child Elongaga LadyMusk
War in Ukraine resolved when each side agrees to a permanent cease fire in exchange for a bushel of corn and a sack of potatoes
Shocking revelation that Hunter Biden's laptop contains photos of Melania's cat
The San Francisco 49ers change the team's name to the San Francisco Steep Hills
We're going to go out on a limb here, and predict that Dollar General stock performs better in 2024 than it did in 2023
Kansas City Chiefs' stadium renamed the Swift Center
Joe Biden is rudely pushed to the ground by the adorable guitar-playing kid from the KARS-4-KIDS commercial

Posted December 31, 2023

Commentary

It's the time of year where the klugness.com brain trust goes out on a limb with bold predictions for 2024.

Alas, our 2023 predictions didn't work out so well, as only one of our ten predictions panned out. We correctly predicted that the 2023 return for Generac stock (about 28%) would exceed the 2022 return (about -71%). (Talk about going out on a limb—right?) Unfortunately, former Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant did not go on tour with The Wiggles, but we felt it was an amusing—if not particularly savvy—prediction. See List 126: Top Ten Satirical Predictions for 2023 for a look back at the year-ago whimsy.

Our 2024 predictions are similarly more whimsical than realistic. Once again we've taken the unprecedented risk of predicting that the 2024 return of a stock that performed poorly in 2023 (Dollar General) will exceed 2023's terrible return of about -45%.

This image of "a laptop with a picture of a cat" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.