Top Ten Cornucopia of Trump January 6th Arraignment and USWNT Issues

My 1st Amendment right to do anything I want
My 1st Amendment right not to sing the national anthem or make substitutions
Election interference
Excessive smiling for selfies
Free speech
Gratuitous dancing
Filth and decay / Biden Crime Family (tie)
4-3-3 / 3-5-2 (tie)
Relying on the advice of lawyers
Relying on the defense of goal posts

Posted August 4, 2023

Commentary

Hmm, why mix these topics? What does the U.S. women's national team's disappointing performance in the 2023 World Cup group stage have to do with former U.S. President Donald Trump's lame-o excuses for his August 3rd arraignment on federal charges associated with the January 6th melee? Er, nothing—but that's never stopped us from doing wacky comparos before, has it?

The USWNT-related items are generally references to criticisms of the team's decisions and behavior (items 9, 7, and 5) or suggestions of how they may be able to improve their performance (item 3). Admittedly, our knowledge of soccer positioning schemes (item 3) is flawed, as we've always wondered why it seems that no teams use a man-to-man defensive scheme in soccer. We have a feeling that this comment just proves that we're dumb Americans with no understanding of the game or what to call it, and on top of that we're arrogant enough to believe we may have brainstormed a simple but fantastic idea that no one else ever thought of. Ha!

Hey—remind us why can't we use our hands in this game? Doh!

Where were we? Ah yes, Trump's arraignment on Thursday has been all over the news in the U.S. as we were subjected to rather boring footage of Trump getting in his car and going to the airport (which of course we were doofus enough to watch). The talking points that Trump and his cronies have been using in public statements aren't exactly funny, but we did attempt to create some entertaining auditory synergy between the pairs (e.g., items 10/9 and 2/1). (Admittedly, we tweaked the talking point in item 10 to make it seem funnier.)

You laughed, right? Because it's funny?

Eh, perhaps not. Well, rest assured that your refund is in the mail, and it's backed by the full faith and credit of the U.S. government.