Top Ten Satirical Comparison of O.J. Simpson and Donald Trump Legal Cases

Top Ten Satirical Comparison of O.J. Simpson and Donald Trump Legal Cases
Num	Evidence at 1995 O.J. Simpson Trial	Discussion / Rebuttal	Potential Allegations at Pending Donald Trump Trial	Discussion / Rebuttal
10.)	Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman were murdered with a knife on June 12, 1994	The cops have been out to get O.J. since Day One	Trump was indicted for 31 violations of the Espionage Act	The libs have been out to get Trump since Day One
9.)	Nicole Brown's blood was found on a sock in O.J.'s bedroom	That evidence was planted by the cops	Trump took sensitive classified documents to Mar-a-Lago	The Presidential Records Act allows Trump to take any files he wants
8.)	Drops of O.J.'s blood were found at the crime scene	Jury members speculated that the blood belonged to O.J.'s children or was left there prior to the murders	Trump didn't return the documents when the National Records Archives Administration (NARA) requested them	The Presidential Records Act calls for Trump to negotiate with NARA regarding the return of the documents
7.)	LAPD Detective Mark Fuhrman lied about whether he'd used the "n" word in the last 10 years	That just goes to show that the cops can't be trusted	Trump's legal team falsely certified that all documents with classified markings had been returned	Trump was too busy to look through the boxes, which contained personal items as well
6.)	O.J.'s white Ford Bronco contained blood of Simpson, Brown, and Goldman	The LAPD crime lab has a substantial contamination problem	There's an audio recording of Trump showing civilians classified documents that entailed a "plan of attack" on another country	Trump claims he was showing his guests that day's news clippings
5.)	The crime scene included bloody shoeprints from rare Italian size 12 Bruno Magli dress shoes	The defense claimed the photo of Simpson wearing Bruno Magli's on the sideline of a football game was a fraud	Trump could've avoided charges if he'd simply returned the documents after he received the subpoena	This item left intentially blank
4.)	A bloody glove (size XL Aris Light) with blood from Simpson and both victims was found at the scene	If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit	Trump hid documents from his legal team to avoid having to return them	Trump probably assumed "no one will ever know"
3.)	The other bloody glove was found in Simpson's back yard	That was planted there by racist LAPD Detective Mark Fuhrman	Trump suggested to his lawyers that they not respond to the subpoena at all	The continuing Witch Hunt is another ELECTION INTERFERENCE Scam. They are cheaters and thugs
2.)	Nicole Brown bought a pair of size XL Aris Light gloves at Bloomingdale's in 1990	If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit	Trump suggested to his lawyers that it would be better if there are no documents	The libs have been out to get Trump since Day One
1.)	A blood sample was left unrefrigerated for seven hours	Alas, because of that LAPD mistake, 100% of the DNA of the "real killer" was lost	Trump suggested to his lawyers that it would be better if they told the DOJ that they don't have anything here	The files are mine

Posted July 19, 2023

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Commentary

What does the Trump documents case have to do with the O.J. Simpson murder case? Good question! But before we answer it, we want to provide some guidance about the fairly detailed information presented in the accompanying comparison table. Hopefully this commentary will help you make sense of that unwieldy brain dump!

The column labeled "Evidence at 1995 O.J. Simpson Trial" contains summaries of pieces of evidence in the 1995 trial of O.J. Simpson, the famous American professional football star who was acquitted on October 3, 1995 of the charge of murdering ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman with a knife on June 12, 1994. The trial received a lot of publicity internationally, and was dubbed the "Trial of the Century." The next column ("Discussion / Rebuttal") presents discussion intended to rebut each piece of evidence. Some rebuttals were presented by the defense, others are based on theories of jurors, while others are general defense themes from the case (e.g., that the cops tried to frame O.J. for the murders).

In the last two columns we present similar types of information for the Trump documents case, in which the Department of Justice (DOJ) alleges that former U.S. president Donald Trump illegally kept sensitive national security documents after his presidency ended. The case has not yet gone to trial, so the items presented are based on well-publicized allegations rather than actual evidence. The rebuttals are based primarily on Trump's public comments and shouldn't be assumed to be part of Trump's forthcoming legal defense strategy, which may be more on point and legally sound. Note: please don't look for synergies between the individual O.J. and Trump items. Admittedly, we do typically target individual synergies on these types of "comparo" top ten lists, but this time we're not aware of any individual synergies other than the "out to get" parallelism on item 10. So, why the allegation/rebuttal brain dump? Well, we do believe there's a lot of synergy in our key point which we lay out in the next paragraph.

So...let's get back to the question of what these two apparently dissimilar legal cases have in common. For starters, we recall from the O.J. trial that the defense did an impressive job of branding the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) as being untrustworthy and "out to get" the popular former star running back for the Buffalo Bills. Why is this so important? Because once you've gotten someone to drink that Kool-Aid, the evidence doesn't matter any more! Blood evidence? Planted by police! Photo of O.J. wearing the rare Bruno Magli shoes on the sideline at a football game? That photo is a fraud! And, to take it a step beyond the actual evidence, what if—hypothetically, of course—the prosecution had had access to actual video footage showing Simpson committing the murders? That's easy: it wouldn't have mattered! The defense simply would have claimed the video was a fraud. Mischief managed! Part of our point in listing out in the comparo table several examples of the evidence is to hammer home the point that ultimately it didn't matter! Isn't it amazing how thoroughly the defense team's "the LAPD can't be trusted" defense neutered all the prosecution's evidence at the O.J. trial?

Former President Trump has effectively gotten his supporters to drink the same type of Kool-Aid. The government files weren't Trump's to keep? That accusation can be completely ignored, because, ya know, the radical left Democrats can't be trusted, and they've been out to get Trump since Day One. Trump didn't return the sensitive national security documents in spite of the government's repeated efforts to retrieve them? Who cares! The point isn't that charges could have been avoided if Trump had given the documents back. The point is that the desperate libs are only accusing Trump of crimes because they're determined to prevent our adorable favorite son Donald J. Trump from being reelected. That point completely obliterates all the DOJ's evidence in MAGA eyes. Ain't it grand?

To summarize: The O.J. jurors gave Simpson a free pass because "the cops are out to get him," and Trump's supporters are giving him a free pass because "the libs are out to get him." While this top ten list may appear to be a serious comparison of the evidence in the two cases, it's really more of a cynical argument that the evidence in each legal case doesn't matter to people who've drunk the "so-and-so are out to get him" Kool-Aid. This time around it will be interesting to see whether the evidence is dismissed or ignored by the jury. We shall see!

Oh, and please don't tell Trump's supporters that we compared them to the O.J. jury! And please don't tell the "O.J. is innocent" crew that we compared them to Trump supporters. If we keep alienating so many potential viewers, we'll only have 30-40 visitors per month to our site. Oop—now we know why!