Top Ten Phony Provisions of the Presidential Records Act
- A U.S. president who has been married at least three times can take home any government files he wants
- Ketchup is the only appropriate condiment for use on steaks. Steaks shall be cooked well done
- The Presidential Records Act was signed into law by Ronald Reagan in 1925
- If there are disputes over files, a former real estate developer who is elected president should negotiate with the National Archives and Records Administration (NARA), rather than give the files back
- Passengers with orange-hued skin may bring any number of KFC buckets onto Air Force One
- A U.S. president who owns a green 1967 Corvette Stingray shall be impeached at least three times
- Confidential documents may be declassified telepathically by any president who aced the cognitive test
- A former president who owns several golf courses may declare himself the winner of golf tournaments that he didn't play in
- The only appropriate response to a valid subpoena is a raised middle finger
- Sensitive files are deemed to be declassified when either: (1) a stable genius, or (2) a large group of seagulls declare they're "mine"
Posted June 8, 2023
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