Top Ten Pet Peeves of Little Mermaid

Ever since mom got killed by a human, dad won't let me go to the surface
Whenever I'm having fun, the moray eels show up and ruin everything!
When a human with white boots accuses me of being "woke"—uh duh, you dork—it's 10 a.m.!
When my friend Emma brags to Eric that she can breathe underwater...as if!
When Dory calls me the wrong name—oh shoot, never mind—that's one of Nemo's pet peeves
I wanted to go to the Taylor Swift concert with Isabella and Sophia, but dad said I had to go to the Coral Moon meeting instead
Tornadic waterspouts / being compared to Daryl Hannah (tie)
Cocaine Bear gets all the publicity, and he can't even sing like a siren
When my friend Olivia DM'd Eric to say she'd give up her tail for him, but...she doesn't even have a tail! I'm so confused
The pitch clock keeps expiring before I can kiss Prince Eric...oh shoot, that's baseball

Posted June 4, 2023

Commentary

We're not sure what age The Little Mermaid is supposed to be in the 2023 live-action remake of the 1989 animated movie, but we decided it would be fun for purposes of this funny top ten list to pretend that she's a fickle, catty, jealous, competitive, and emotional 14-year-old. Never mind that there's probably nothing in the movie about that. Ha!

It stands to reason that such a teen girl will have a few fickle, catty, jealous, competitive, and emotional girlfriends who are also 14, so we tasked our intrepid research department with digging up the most popular female baby names of 2009. Eager to comply, our hardworking research staff spent an entire day at the liberry looking up baby names in the Encyclopedia Imaginica so that we'd have some bonafide 14 year old girl names to include in this funny top ten list (items 7, 5, and 2). Thanks Larry, Moe, and Curly! You're worth every penny we pay you.

Er...where were we? Ah yes, other items include comments about actual plot elements from The Little Mermaid (items 10, 9, and 1), misdirection to other movie plots (items 6 and 3), and a reference to another mermaid from a 1984 movie (item 4).

Omg, 1984 is sooo 39 years ago.

This grainy image of "two eels" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.