Some of the functionality of this web page (including displaying the current date) will not work properly without JavaScript enabled. Here are the instructions how to enable JavaScript in your web browser.

klugness

The website for funny top ten lists and other satire

Top Ten Possible Outcomes of the Debt Ceiling Standoff

  1. Biden recruits French hoops phenom Victor Wenbanyama to physically raise the debt ceiling
  2. Kevin Spacey is called in to help with negotiations after Biden unexpectedly takes hostages (oh shoot, nvm—that was a plot element from The Negotiator)
  3. After an all-night negotiation session, a member of Biden's team suddenly shouts "Free Bird!" and runs out of the room
  4. Growing increasingly frustrated with how long the negotiations are taking, McCarthy angrily shouts, "Let's go Brandon!!"
  5. Biden to agree to all of McCarthy's spending cuts IF McCarthy will concede that the floating door from Titanic could have supported both Rose and Jack
  6. Unable to reach an agreement, the parties settle the matter with a game of rock, paper, scissors; alas, Biden loses when he mistakenly plays a snickers bar
  7. As a way of illustrating how hard it will be for McCarthy to keep his caucus in line, Biden brings in five cats for McCarthy to herd, but his strategy backfires when three of the cats scratch Biden, and one curls up in McCarthy's lap
  8. After much wrangling, McCarthy finally says "Deal" and holds out his hand to shake with Biden, but just as Biden reaches out, McCarthy says "Psyche" and pretends he was just reaching out to smooth his hair
  9. In an effort to be conciliatory, Biden offers McCarthy a ride back to his district, but then the vehicle is unexpectedly chased down by Cocaine Bear
  10. After consulting with his right wing contingent, McCarthy agrees to a deal IF Biden (1) goes on national TV dressed as Little Bo Peep, (2) sings "Proud Mary," and (3) spanks Hunter Biden with a wooden paddle

Posted May 26, 2023

Previous       All Top Ten Lists       Next