klugness

Top Ten Pet Peeves of Cocaine Bear

1. He's invited to lots of dinner parties, but all they serve is blueberries and bird seed!
2. National Park Service rules prevent him from cashing in on his NIL
3. daylight savings time
4. He's in the mood to party but everyone else just wants to hibernate
5. When campers raise their food up so high that he can't reach it
6. empty duffel bags / paranoia (tie)
7. Every time he orders cocaine-glazed salmon, the restaurant awkwardly says they're out of it
8. Intense pressure to repeat the tagline "Only YOU can prevent forest fires" (oh shoot—that's one of Smokey Bear's pet peeves)
9. Clueless visitors to the Chattahoochee National Forest keep asking him to explain what "hyperphagia" means; now Hulk mad!
10. When an ambulance drives too fast for him to catch up with it and jump in

Posted April 14, 2023