Top Ten Possible Charges Against Donald Trump (Satirical)

obstruction of progress
reckless bronzing
driving an unregistered golf cart
aggravated combover
tweeting without a license
excessive tie
unlawful bluster
assault with a deadly sharpie
public obnoxiousness
disorderly ketchup

Posted March 23, 2023

Commentary

With all the hoopla surrounding whether former President Trump will soon be indicted over the hush money case, we present this funny top ten list about what charges Trump may face.

Note we honed in on the fact that this case is probably the weakest of the various cases against him. So even though it feels like it's high time he faced consequences for his behavior, we decided to invent several satirical criminal charges that are more whimsical than serious in nature.

Most of the jokes are riffs on actual crimes, focusing on former President Trump's personal appearance (items 9, 7, and 5), his habits (items 8, 4, 3, and 2), and a throwback to revelations from the January 6 hearings (item 1).

These items are invented for humorous purposes and do not represent actual charges or news. We've slowed our rate of Trump-themed top ten lists but we can't resist throwing one out every now and then.

Ketchup bottle, black sharpies, red necktie