Top Ten Satirical Reasons Donald Trump Didn't Get Arrested on Tuesday

He faked out the news media with the preannouncement so he could then say, "Made you look"
The green M&M intervened on his behalf
Fed chairman Jerome Powell requested a delay so that the arrest didn't occur during the Fed's interest rate meeting
Gisele Bündchen refused to approve it
The arresting officers got entangled in a seaweed wave
Trump got teleported to a strange parallel universe where his fingers were foot-long hot dogs; he fully expects to receive an Oscar next year
Don Jr., Maria Bartiromo, Rudy Giuliani, and Josh Hawley formed an impenetrable offensive line to protect their favorite quarterback
The police cars were blocked by stacks of classified boxes in the middle of Fifth Avenue
Producers of The Apprentice were not available to choreograph the perp walk
The New York DA relented when Trump successfully solved Tuesday's Wordle

Posted March 22, 2023

Commentary

Donald Trump's preannouncement of his arrest to occur on Tuesday, March 21, 2023 unfolded pretty much the way you would think. The news media lamented the fact that they'd acknowledged Trump's version of events to come and reported it near and far, while noting sheepishly that it may not happen as predicted by Trump. Psyche!

Since Trump didn't get arrested yesterday, the story is over for now, right? Well, if this was an actual news story, it would be over for now, but that leaves ample room for a funny top ten list speculating about why he didn't get arrested yesterday. No news here, folks—just whimsical speculation about made up reasons the arrest didn't occur as foreshadowed.

Most of the jokes are riffs on current events, including the pesky seaweed wave (item 6), the March 21-22 Fed meeting (item 8), weird movie plots (item 5), and cryptic references to the green M&M (item 9).

Hmm, feels like if we don't know when (or if) Trump may be arrested, then we also don't know what charges he may face? That feels like another theme that's ripe for spoofing!