Top Ten Things in Ted Cruz's Beard

Top Ten Things in Ted Cruz's Beard—Part 1

three Colorado hikers missing since 2018
a monarch caterpillar eagerly feeding on milkweed
Dilbert
the steering wheel of the Suez Canal barge that was beached in March 2021
Jed Clampett
footage of Cruz's daring March 2021 nighttime visit to the border
a tattoo containing the names of the 13 Triad leaders
a polar bear
the lyrics of W.A.P. (which he's hiding from Heidi)
bottled water that he's pretending to deliver to the needy

Posted March 6, 2023

Commentary

Some things you know to be true, but are difficult to explain.

For example, there is an old Saturday Night Live skit called "More Cowbell" that we think is very funny, as we've previously noted (Imagining Things Blog Entry #6), (Top Ten List #33). However, we struggle to understand what it is about the skit that is funny, or to know how to explain it logically to another person. We just know funny when we see it, and that's funny.

It's the same way with Ted Cruz's beard. We sense that it's scary, but we're at a loss to explain how or why. Again, we just know scary when we see it, and that's scary.

And so we present our first installment in a series of funny top ten lists about what may be lurking among the gray hairs in Ted Cruz's beard. Note we initially drafted this list about two years ago, so you'll see a few items that date back to news items and music from March 2021. Even so, we snuck in an item about Dilbert that hopefully makes the content seem fresh!

Crate of bottled water