Top Ten Awkward Locations for UFOs to be Found

Posing as a flying 1963 Volkswagen Beetle
In Ted Cruz's beard
On the wing of the airplane you're flying on
In Joe Biden's garage, next to his Corvette
Impersonating a stop sign at Fifth and Broad
In the changing room at the Delta Thigh Rho house
Engaged in air combat with a flying doghouse that reportedly has a beagle perched on top
In a secure facility at the Supreme Court, where documents in the queue to be leaked are held in protective custody
Hidden in the Statue of Liberty's torch
In a remote location containing George Santos' shoes, the 2020 election, and a Hertz rental car

Posted February 15, 2023

Commentary

The Chinese spy balloon story seems to have everyone on edge. If a UFO is spotted nowadays, the Biden administration's default approach appears to be to shoot first and ask questions later.

Poor Joe. He was on such a roll after that Yoda mind trick from the State of the Union where he forced the GOP members to chant "we will never ever sunset Social Security or Medicare." Maybe he and Barack can do a few wheelies on the interstate to get his mind settled down?

What new awkward places will UFOs be discovered? What will they look like (items 10 and 6)? Why are we mimicking Tucker Carlson's "just asking questions" routine?

I dunno—it's funny when Seth Meyers spoofs Carlson's style, so maybe someone will laugh when we do it too? We currently have a Klugness spy balloon crossing the country listening intently for giggles. Wait—was that a chuckle in Seattle?

Yup, one of these jokes is recycled from recent lists (item 7) while another is an obscure reference to old Peanuts cartoons from half a century ago (item 4). Item 1 is a riff on items that have been falsely alleged to be stolen. We think the third item in that triad (a reference to a Hertz rental car) really ties the item together, and have credited ourselves with a hat-trick.

He shoots—he scores!

This image of "a flying Volkswagen beetle" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.