Top Ten Items Found in Joe Biden's Corvette (Satirical)

Peggy Sue's class ring, engraved with two words: Made in America
A 3" x 5" card with a reminder not to refer to "Super Tuesday" as "Super Thursday" at the next campaign stop
A tube of brylcreem
A memo about nuclear secrets or something
A Dairy Queen menu
Herbert Hoover's autograph
A plaque that says "We choose truth over facts"
A Rita Hayworth poster
Directions to the nearest malt shop
A top secret photo of him and Barack doing wheelies on the New Jersey Turnpike

Posted January 18, 2023

Commentary

We've been somewhat nonplussed over the recent hot news about Joe Biden being in possession of some classified files, but we did latch on the fact that some sensitive material was found in the same garage with his Corvette.

Corvette? Wait—did he just say Corvette?

We didn't know he drove a Corvette, but now that we do, we're gonna have to put on our crazy humor caps and speculate wildly about what may be in the Corvette. Of course, there are several "old timer" jokes (items 10, 8, 5, 3, and 2) that could easily have been brainstormed by your average third grader. But believe us—there's an elusive creative skill at work here that's hard to mastrizate and quantizify. Kids, don't try this at home. Ha!

We also mixed in a few references to gaffes (items 10, 9, and 4). Item 1 is completely made up but does make for a cool visual image. Enjoy!