Top Ten Sam Bankman-Fried Excuses for the FTX Collapse (Satirical)

Top Ten Sam Bankman-Fried Excuses for the FTX Collapse (Satirical)—Part 1

Was mesmerized by watching the disk defragmenter in action on his computer screen
Bankman-Fried’s quantum physics class at MIT unfortunately didn’t cover risk management
Felt confident that the Croatian goalie could stop any wayward shots
The latest FTX product introduction—digital trading cards of Bankman-Fried in super hero poses—did not sell well
Was outwitted by a gopher
Failed to follow the official FTX policies and procedures that Shaggy developed
Was forced to declare bankruptcy by Wimpy and Tinkerbell
Realized too late that he should have selected a stronger password than "scooby-dooby-doo"
Hid behind the chainsaws instead of getting in the running car
Everything would have been just fine if it weren't for those meddling kids

Posted December 18, 2022

Commentary

This funny top ten list of satirical Sam Bankman-Fried excuses makes light of the former FTX wunderkind CEO's staggering fall from grace. Note these are jokes for comedy purposes and are not actual excuses proferred by the beleaguered former head of the once high flying cryptocurrency exchange.

Some items make light of Bankman-Fried's apparent lack of focus on important exchange tasks such as risk management (items 10 and 9). Several items include references to the animated television program "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!" which originally aired in 1969 (items 5, 3, and 1). Obviously, the 30-year-old Bankman-Fried had nothing to do with a Saturday morning cartoon that first aired over 20 years before he was born, but we old farts here at klugness.com started having flashbacks of Shaggy and Scoob, and we thought it was a funny comparison.

Item 7 is a riff on former President Trump's recent announcement that he would be selling virtual baseball cards of himself in super hero poses. Item 6 is a reference to a 1980 comedy movie. Item 4 is a reference to Bankman-Fried's regret that he didn't push back more aggressively on filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Stay tuned for Part 2 coming later this week.

This image of "gopher on golf course" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.

This image of "soccer goalie facing penalty kick, from penalty kicker's point of view" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.