Top Ten Misconceptions (Satirical)

A werewolf can kill a vampire
The lyrics of "All I Want for Christmas" are hard to remember
Kenny Rogers had 400 children
A vampire can't kill a werewolf, but two vampires can
Goldfish have a memory span of decades
Twinkies remain edible for just a few seconds
There's a bathroom on the right
A penny dropped from the top of the Empire State Building can kill a vampire
A bull thought he saw three cows in the adjacent field, but when he got over the fence he realized they were inside linebackers
Sweet dreams are made of cheese

Posted December 9, 2022

Commentary

This funny top ten list of misconceptions is a strange mix of Herschel Walker jokes, commonly misunderstood song lyrics, and riffs on common misconceptions. This is not a real list of misconceptions.

The Herschel Walker jokes are generally riffs on his recent comment (based on a horror movie) that a werewolf can kill a vampire (items 10 and 7). There's also an item about his funny campaign vignette regarding a bull and several cows (item 2). Items 8, 4, and 1 are based on commonly misunderstood lyrics from older songs. Items 6, 5, and 3 are mixed-up riffs on common misconceptions. And for good measure, we snuck in another vampire reference on item 3. If our joke worked properly, you thought the ending would be "...can put a hole in a cement sidewalk"—or at the very least, you thought it might kill someone in general, but not specifically a vampire.

If you'll excuse us, we need to go see the doctor about the chewing gum that's been in our stomach for seven years. Our cousin was going to drive us to the doctor yesterday, but unfortunately he passed away after he went swimming only 15 minutes after eating.

This image of "a goldfish that looks like Gandalf" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.

This image of "a bull in a field, facing away" and "a bull and three football linebackers, in uniform, in a field, wide shot" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.