Top Ten Satirical Concessions Kevin McCarthy Made to Secure the Preliminary House Speaker Vote

Placed his jewels in an escrow account
Agreed to walk Marjorie Taylor Greene's dog whenever she's out of town
Committed to pursuing at least three impeachment proceedings against Joe Biden
Agreed to be walked by Marjorie Taylor Greene whenever her dog is out of town
Intends to roast Hunter Biden in an iron skillet while Joe Biden is forced to watch
Agreed to serve as an umbrella girl at the next NASCAR race
As a way of proving his leadership abilities, he assumed responsibility for overseeing the Taylor Swift concert ticket project for Ticketmaster
Followed Trump and Frodo around until they finally agreed to let him have "my precious"
Since Matt Gaetz's coffee table is broken, McCarthy agreed to get on all fours and serve as his footstool during the big game
Ordered Dr. Fauci to appear before a Covid investigative committee in his underwear

Posted November 19, 2022