Top Ten Satirical Reasons the Red Wave Didn't Arrive

It was frightened away by Chuck Schumer's socks
Gisele Bündchen refused to approve any such thing
It was detained by the gazpacho police
Alas, there was an insufficient amount of algae in the water to form a red wave
We really hate to assign blame, but it was Melania's fault
It was hindered on a delivery barge stuck in the Mississippi River
It collided with a school bus and turned orange
Well...it was being stored in a cryptocurrency account with FTX, but now it's gone!!
It was riding in a car with a man who refused to ask for directions
In a raw display of power, Roy G. Biv commandeered the color red to form a rainbow that day

Posted November 15, 2022

Commentary

Yeah, the news media spent all last week talking about how the "red wave" didn't pan out, but we're going to avoid providing details on that for fear this post will be mistaken for news (i.e., actual reasons the red wave fizzled) rather than the satirical top ten list that it is.

Thus, other than item 6, these items generally steer clear of actual facts or allegations related to the red wave that didn't happen. Some of the whimsical items are essentially color jokes (items 7, 4, and 1) while others are riffs on current events (items 5 and 3). Chuck Schumer's socks are the gift that keeps on giving (item 10), and it's always fun to yuk it up over Marjorie Taylor Greene's word gaffes (item 8). And we even worked in an item on Gisele Bündchen primarily because we just looove umlauts.

We hope you enjoy this funny top ten list of whimsical (fake, made up, satirical) reasons the red wave didn't arrive.

Loud socks