Top Ten Differences between the European Model and the American Model (Satirical)

Top Ten Differences between the European Model and the American Model (Satirical)
Num	European Model	American Model
10.)	Outraged about the American Model's assumptions	Assumes all weather systems rotate around the U.S.
9.)	Takes a siesta each weekday afternoon	Chugs a double stress milkshake each weekday at 3:00 sharp
8.)	Predicted correctly that Sandy would make a sharp left turn toward the east coast	Predicted incorrectly that Sandy would get lost in Yonkers
7.)	Doesn't bother to shave its legs and underarms	Doesn't bother to become familiar with the European Model
6.)	Based on the Bernoulli distribution	Based on the McDonalds distribution
5.)	Powered by olives, wienerschnitzel, and cheese	Powered by donuts, hot dogs, and fried foods
4.)	Has access to 32 megawatts of computing power	Has access to 16 megafarts of computing power
3.)	Was pretty sure the storm would hit Paris or Brussels	Was pretty sure the storm would hit Alabama
2.)	Generally considered to be more powerful and accurate	Generally considered to be more overweight and obnoxious
1.)	Supported by 34 countries	Supported by 34 Waffle House locations

Posted October 17, 2022; Written October 1, 2022

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Commentary

Yeah, so we finally got curious enough about what differentiates the European and American weather models that we decided to Google it. We found some interesting information, though it conveyed the distinct impression that ordinary folks were not permitted to know specifically why the European Model was better—we should just trust that it is so. Alas, there is no opportunity for the average Joe to look under the hood, because we're mechanics—not meteorologists. Pfft, whatever.

Main point is we decided to transform our research project into the differences between the weather models into an exercise in whimsy with just a smidge of rigor on the side. So yes, it's true that the European Model accurately predicted Hurricane Sandy would hit the east coast well before the dim-witted American Model figured it out (item 8). Apparently it's also true that the European Model is more powerful and accurate (item 2), and is supported by 34 countries (item 1). Pretty much everything else is made up. As far as we know, for example, the European Model has nothing to do with the Bernoulli distribution—we just included that because it sounds awfully European, nicht wahr? In addition, as far as we know the American Model has no association with Waffle House (item 1).

Enjoy this funny top ten list of satirical differences between the European Model and the American Model.

This image of "hurricane map" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. This is not an image of an actual hurricane. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.