Top Ten Items Seized from Mar-a-Lago (Satirical)

Top Ten Items Seized from Mar-a-Lago (Satirical)—Part 1

Various newspaper clippings, presidential schedules, and handwritten notes of encouragement to "my father" from Eric Trump
MAGA hat signed by Kim Jong Un
12 buckets labeled "KFC" or "Top KFC"
1960 Hank Aaron Topps card worth $400M
One TV remote with ketchup stains
Shirtless photo autographed by Vlad
Hundreds of bronzed "feces pieces" from the January 6 attack
Mr. Brady's missing architectural plans
Scores of bikini pix of AOC that he had hoped to keep secret from Melania and the MAGA base
Dozens of files that Trump declassified by clicking his heels together three times and saying "There's no place like home"

Posted October 17, 2022; Written August 16, 2022

Commentary

On Monday, August 8, 2022 the news broke that the FBI had served a search warrant at Mar-a-Lago. Since then we've been racking our brains to think of items the FBI may have collected, with a focus on funny, made up items rather than the as-yet-unknown real items.

With so much imaginary material to choose from, how did we approach this funny top ten list of satirical items seized in the Mar-a-Lago raid? Of course, one theme was the "nothing to see here, folks" idea that was circulated by the Trump camp. Think: paper clips, presidential schedules, and congealed air (item 10). Other satirical themes are valuable/collectible mementos (items 9, 7, and 5), riffs on declassification procedures (item 1), and the obligatory cryptic reference to a TV show from the 1970s (item 3).