Top Ten Allegations of Vandalism Against the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool

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Top Ten Allegations of Vandalism Against the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool

Under cover of darkness, an antifa operative stealthily replaced the supply of "American flag blue" paint with "Argentinian flag blue" paint. Unfortunately, the Argentinian paint's intrinsic socialism caused the paint to curdle and peel off immediately after it came into contact with the American landmark
There's an unconfirmed rumor that Amber Heard is a person-of-interest in a recent act of vandalism
The White House releases video footage of Marvin the Martian threatening to blow up the reflecting pool because it obstructs his view of Venus. During an impromptu meeting with reporters in the Oval Office, Trump notes that you can't trust a guy who wears a skirt
A radical left Democrat from Philadelphia or Detroit (not sure which) allegedly replaced "American flag blue" with "Greek flag blue." Meanwhile, U.S. National Guard and Park Police detained Poseidon and Ares when they were seen loitering in the vicinity of the reflecting pool. Both Greek Gods deny any wrongdoing; however, Poseidon (who was particularly irate over being accused of vandalism) was seen brandishing his trident menacingly
In response to the fake news media's request for evidence of the 350-foot gash in the reflecting pool, President Trump provides photographic evidence of Freddy Krueger lurking in the shallow pool
Ixnay on the Argentinian and Greek flag blue. Turns out it's the color Finland flag blue. Could be they're upset that they didn't qualify for the World Cup? Or the dark and cold Finnish winter got them down? Regardless of the cause, U.S. National Guard recently detained a Finnish national who was found foraging for berries and mushrooms in a forest near the reflecting pool
U.S. Park Police recently announced that it has done further testing of the 900-foot gash and determined it was not done with a knife or a razor but with a light saber. Meanwhile, President Trump released video footage of Darth Vader who was recently spotted with George Soros at a Haitian barbecue in Springfield, Ohio
Whoops, turns out the offending paint wasn't Finnish flag blue after all; it's French flag blue. In spite of their complete lack of interest in the wild accusation, French authorities deny the shade matches the French flag and point out that no one in France cares what happens with the reflecting pool; even so, President Trump irately issues a cryptic all caps Truth Social post saying: "I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION. YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES." Baffled by the strange outburst, talking heads on CNN say Trump has become completely unhinged
President Trump releases video footage of Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, and Maxine Waters cutting a 7,000-foot gash in the lining of the reflecting pool
President Trump insists that a "fearless girl" about four feet tall committed the vandalism. He shares a photo of the girl standing confidently with her hands on her hips and her head held high.

Posted June 28, 2026

Previous All Top Ten Lists

This image of "a fearless girl with hands on hips being arrested by two police officers near a shallow pool" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.

Commentary

This funny top ten list pokes fun at President Trump's efforts to deflect blame for the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool fiasco onto vandals. Hey, if he can convince a third of the country that the 2020 election was stolen, maybe he can convince the same dullards that antifa is responsible for the algae and peeling paint in the reflecting pool? Ha!

Recently the National Park Service released video footage of an alleged act of vandalism. The video appears to be a young woman reaching into the water and pulling something out. Notify the authorities!

A recurring theme of these jokes is the "American flag blue" paint (items 10, 7, 5, and 3). We thought it would be fun to do a few riffs on other countries that have the color blue in their flags, but it may have been overkill. Please write in and let us know your mileage.

We did a few riffs on the alleged gash that was cut into the pool lining. Was it cut using a knife or razor blade? Or perhaps Poseidon did it using his trident, or Darth Vader did it using a light saber, or the villain from A Nightmare on Elm Street did it using his knife-like fingers, or various mean-spirited elderly Democrats banded together to slash the pool?

Another open issue is how long is the alleged gash? The answer seems to get larger every time Trump opens his mouth. Note the progression from items 6 to 4 to 2.

To be honest, the young woman shown in the National Park Service's video is what inspired us to use the joke in item 1. It was hard to tell from the video but she appeared not to be very tall. So...if Trump thinks a 4-foot tall girl is the culprit behind the supposed vandalism, maybe he'll send cops out to arrest the "Fearless Girl" statue in front of the New York Stock Exchange? Ha!

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