Top Ten Trumpian Rare Earth Elements (Part 2)

Today is Month D, YYYY

Quote of the Week

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities—brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems

John W. Gardner

Bible Verse of the Week

I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?

Jeremiah 32:27 (NIV)

Whimsical Phrase of the Week

Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie

Long Duk Dong in "Sixteen Candles" (1986)

Social Media Analytics

dislikes

avoids

Help us extend our digital outreach, promote our brand, and maximize our social media footprint. Share our content with anyone you can't stand!

Smooth Entropy

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

October 2025 Anniversary Celebration

Thanks for celebrating our three-year anniversary with us during the month of October, as the klugness site (pronounced "kloog-ness") turned three years old on October 17, 2025. As the anniversary month comes to an end, we begin to return to our regular programming.

Thanks for those who visited this home page daily during October to view the "Throwback List of the Day," which gave our readers a guided tour down "funny top ten list" memory lane. Klugmeister is really proud of the PHP programming he wrote to automatically change the throwback list every day during October at midnight eastern time. Hey, we hate to bother you, but...could you please nominate him for the Nobel prize he so desperately wants? Thanks a bunch!

In celebration of making it to this milestone, we've assembled the following summary of feedback we've received this year from our enthusiastic fan base. Thanks to everyone who submitted comments via our secure WeMadeThisUp app!

The top ten lists are cool, but the blog is even better! Hey, when is Dorkmeister gonna write some new content?
George P. Burdell

I wish MAD Magazine were still producing new content, but you guys aren't half bad.
Alfred E. Neuman

Thanks for your suggestion that I form a blues band without Robert Plant and go on tour, playing no Zeppelin songs but exclusively old Elvis songs and other 50sish songs. It's an interesting suggestion and I will consider it
Jimmy Page

WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS ILLEGAL! YOU'D BE IN BIG TROUBLE IF ANYONE HAD EVER HEARD OF THIS SITE
DJT

Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby!
Raymond Babbitt

If I could remember the names of all these particles I'd be a botanist
Enrico Fermi

Don't listen to Enrico—he's still mad that the neutrino particle he postulated wasn't detected until after his death
Enrico Fermi's mom

Your mom
KL / SC

Ya'll should visit Graceland! I'll leave some guest passes at the visitor center
Elvis Presley

Son, I've never looked at the site but I'm glad you found something you enjoy. How about a slice of pound cake?
Grandma

Thanks for helping keep alive my 1970s use of the phrase "Correctamundo."
Fonzie

Thanks for your support and encouragement!

Top Ten Trumpian Rare Earth Elements—Part 2
Num	Element	Symbol	Uses
10.)	Yttrium	Y	Useful in radar, lasers, and superconductors; unfortunate side effect is that it renders the user unable to pronounce words like "acetaminophen" and "Thailand"
9.)	Crassium	Csi	Transforms roses into gravel
8.)	Eucranium	Uk	A radioactive substance that exposes a vulnerable ally to defeat by our biggest adversary; also, a board game played in Europe that includes activities like "Data Head" and "Creative Cat"
7.)	Dysprosium	Dy	Catalyst that facilitates the uncontrolled growth of ballroom; also useful in lamps, magnets, and nuclear power
6.)	Epsteinium	Ep	A toxic substance that very powerfully resists efforts to contain it
5.)	Lanthanum	La	A key ingredient in bluster and fabrication; also, catalysts for oil refining and glass production
4.)	NFTium	Nf	Grants the user a variety of amazing super powers that are perfectly suited for cartoonish display on trading cards
3.)	Cerium	Ce	A catalyst that causes users not to notice that beef prices are up under the Trump administration; oh, and it's also used in catalytic converters
2.)	DEIum	DEI	A key ingredient in precision measuring equipment designed to identify the worst possible job applicant for any position
1.)	Promethium	Pm	Transforms an American president into a mighty Greek god who wields fire from his grand, ornate palace; also, nuclear batteries and luminous paints

Posted October 28, 2025

Previous All Top Ten Lists

This image of "European women playing a board game called Eucranium" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.

Commentary

Our internal polling indicates there remains untapped potential in our previous list of Trumpian rare earth elements, so we decided to extend the topic to a second funny top ten list. Notify the authorities!

Recently President Trump has made efforts to take a chunk out of China's dominance in rare earths. We thought it might be fun to invent several Trumpian rare earth elements in our continuing effort to mock him. For the most part, the names and uses of these supposed rare earth elements are made up, though we did mix in a few real names and uses to try and maintain some semblance of professionalism (items 10, 7, 5, 3, and 1).

Our first draft of this list included a mock rare earth element called Quackium, where we joked that it powers a permanent magnet that attracts nutty vaccine skeptics with no medical experience to the position of Secretary of Health and Human Services. Alas, we soon realized that—while true—it wasn't funny, so we replaced that item with something more whimsical. Such is the challenge of poking fun at President Trump—it can be difficult to keep it light and airy.

Welcome to klugness.com!

The U.S. website www.klugness.com was launched in October 2022 with over 100 funny top ten lists, and has since increased that number to over 200. The klugness site doesn't include jokes in the traditional sense, but is dedicated to humor using a David Letterman-style top ten list format. A portion of the content focuses on American politics, with the site generally leaning left, while the rest is garden-variety humor ala MAD magazine. We hope you enjoy the site!

image of a teenage girl pointing a wand and saying 'Obliviate!' in a word bubble, and another teenager emerging from behind a rock and pointing their wand back and saying 'Parcheesi!'

This image of "a teenage girl pointing a wand and saying 'Obliviate!' in a word bubble, and another teenager emerging from behind a rock and pointing their wand back and saying 'Parcheesi!' " was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page. This image appears on List 234 - Top Ten Harry Potter Spells OR Board Games—Part 1.

This home page shows the most recent top ten list. Please check out the full archive of funny top ten lists on klugness.com at All Top Ten Lists. Note these lists were created up to six years ago, even though the klugness site itself is two years old (we'll be free years old on October 17). The archive page also includes a "List Sampler" table of 18 selected funny top ten lists that will give you a sense of our content without having to tackle all 200+ funny top ten lists. Beneath the "List Sampler" is information about the pictures we've been adding to the site since the beginning of 2023. The pictures are generated using a combination of artificial intelligence and traditional means.

This image of "a doctor trying to resuscitate a red 250cc street motorcycle" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.

In the Imagining Things blog, we've posted the third (and final) installment in a series of three blog posts about our eccentric webmaster's first motorcycle. This third blog post covers The Death of Klugmeister's Red Motorcycle. In this post, our webmaster describes an attempted trip to Key West that didn't work out so well. As he mulled this story lately, Klugmeister has been getting nostalgic about his li'l red Honda Rebel 250—though that's not the bike in the accompanying image, which was generated by AI. In other heartwarming news, our webmaster is continuing to make an effort to post new material to the Imagining Things blog on a more consistent basis.

Getting back to the funny top ten lists, we offer a couple of targeted subsets that focus on particular themes. For example, the Trump-Themed Lists are critical of President Trump, so you won't like them if you're a Trump aficionado.

Another theme is the clever May 2020 Now vs. Then series, which consists of 10 funny top ten lists that compare and contrast the initial coronavirus times to historical times in an amusing way (e.g., "stay at home" vs. "rock and roll all nite"). That early pandemic theme was created in 2000, but it feels sooo ancient! Based on viewership of these pages, it appears that most folks are loathe to revisit that challenging period, and we don't blame you!

Note that the themed lists are also included on the All Top Ten Lists archive (i.e., the themed lists are a subset of the full archive), so if you looked at the full archive, you won't find any new material on the themed lists. This handy bit of intell could free up more time for you to gaze at your phone, ponder the government shutdown, or try to guess which one of Trump's enemies will be indicted next.

For general information about klugness.com (including frequently asked questions, privacy policy, how to pronounce "klugness," etc.), use the following link: About.

If over 200 top ten lists is too much to handle all at once, another alternative is to check out a few samples of recent top ten lists:

If you spot anything amiss with the klugness site (formatting, content, functionality, etc.) or have other feedback, please drop us a note at helloKitty. We appreciate your input.

Thanks for visiting klugness.com, and please check back periodically for new content!

Top Ten Trumpian Rare Earth Elements—Part 2