The website for funny top ten lists and other satire
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Quote of the Week
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it
Bob Hope
Bible Verse of the Week
Laughter cannot mask a heavy heart. When the laughter ends, the grief remains
Proverbs 14:13 (LB)
Whimsical Phrase of the Week
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue
Lloyd Bridges as Steven McCroskey in "Airplane!" (1980)
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Top Ten President Trump's Heated Argument with Himself—Part 3
Num
Statement by President Trump
Satirical Response by President Trump
10.)
You're all dressed up today
We started out with empty cupboards
9.)
You are in no position to tell us what we're going to feel. We're going to feel very good
No politician in history—I say this with great surety—has been treated worse or more unfairly
8.)
You're not in a good position. You don't have the cards right now. With us, you start having cards
I will have a deal done in one day. One day
7.)
You're playing cards. You're gambling with the lives of millions of people. You're gambling with World War III
They're dying, Russians and Ukrainians. I want them to stop dying. And I'll have that done in 24 hours
6.)
He's not speaking loudly. He's not speaking loudly. Your country is in big trouble
In Springfield, they're eating the dogs, the people that came in, they're eating the cats...
5.)
No, no. You've done a lot of talking. Your country is in big trouble
Excuse me! Excuse me!
4.)
Look, if you can get a ceasefire right now, I tell you, you take it so the bullets stop flying and your men stop getting killed
Believe it or not, Social Security databases list 4.7 million Social Security numbers from people aged 100 to 109 years old
3.)
Are you saying you don't want a ceasefire? I want a ceasefire. Because you'll get a ceasefire faster than an agreement
But even now, if I were president, I'd be able to negotiate an end to this horrible and rapidly escalating war in 24 hours
2.)
You've got to be more thankful because let me tell you, you don't have the cards. With us, you have the cards, but without us, you don't have any cards
You're fired!
1.)
They respect me
I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words
The U.S. website www.klugness.com was launched in October 2022 with over 100 funny top ten lists, and has since increased that number to over 200. The klugness site doesn't include jokes in the traditional sense, but is dedicated to humor using a David Letterman-style top ten list format. A portion of the content focuses on American politics, with the site generally leaning left, while the rest is garden-variety humor ala MAD magazine. We hope you enjoy the site!
This image of "a man with an orange face" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page. This image appears on List 16 - Top Ten Real or Imaginary Afflictions—Part 2.
This home page shows the most recent top ten list. Please check out the full archive of funny top ten lists on klugness.com at All Top Ten Lists. Note these lists were created up to five years ago, even though the klugness site itself is two years old. The archive page also includes a "List Sampler" table of 18 selected funny top ten lists that will give you a sense of our content without having to tackle all 200+ funny top ten lists. Beneath the "List Sampler" is information about the pictures we've been adding to the site since the beginning of 2023. The pictures are generated using a combination of artificial intelligence and traditional means.
This image of a "mathematics professor" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.
The amount of content in our Imagining Things blog (currently 12 posts) isn't as robust as our top ten lists (currently over 200 lists), but that also means it's fairly quick and painless for visitors to check out the blog. While the rate of publication has slowed drastically since the initial burst of posts after the blog was launched in November 2022, we're pleased to share our long-awaited magnum opus Problem Solving Part 1—Newton's Method and Bisection Method. In this lengthy post, our webmaster engages in a deep dive regarding two mathematical problem solving approaches, and then tries to extrapolate those strategies to real life. Sure, we're embarrassed to admit that it's now been over a year (gulp) since we posted Part 1, and our li'l genius artist still hasn't finished drafting part 2 of this two-part post, but he claims it's still bubbling very near to the top of his to-do list. Perhaps he'll post part 2 before hell freezes over. Dacht.
Getting back to the funny top ten lists, we offer a couple of targeted subsets that focus on particular themes. For example, the Trump-Themed Lists are critical of former President Trump, so you won't like them if you're a Trump aficionado.
Another theme is the clever May 2020 Now vs. Then series, which consists of 10 funny top ten lists that compare and contrast the initial coronavirus times to historical times in an amusing way (e.g., "stay at home" vs. "rock and roll all nite"). That early pandemic theme was created in 2000, but it feels sooo ancient! Based on viewership of these pages, it appears that most folks are loathe to revisit that challenging period, and we don't blame you!
Note that the themed lists are also included on the All Top Ten Lists archive (i.e., the themed lists are a subset of the full archive), so if you looked at the full archive, you won't find any new material on the themed lists. This handy bit of intell could free up more time for you to gaze at your phone, fire more federal employees, or slap 25% tariffs on additional countries.
For general information about klugness.com (including frequently asked questions, privacy policy, how to pronounce "klugness," etc.), use the following link: About.
If over 200 top ten lists is too much to handle all at once, another alternative is to check out a few samples of recent top ten lists:
If you spot anything amiss with the klugness site (formatting, content, functionality, etc.) or have other feedback, please drop us a note at helloKitty. We appreciate your input.
Thanks for visiting klugness.com, and please check back periodically for new content!
